Home again, home again

I spent just over three weeks at home for the holidays. I spent one week of this writing, one week crying, but one wonderful week celebrating and being with my family.

Doubt overwhelmed me as I sat at home comfortable, loved, and not lonely. I wondered what in the world I was doing in Scotland. But I was not left to sit and 'wallow' in this. There were constant reminders through devotions, people, sermons, etc., that this was no mistake. Almost everything I read spoke of trusting God.

I have such a hard time doing that. I can say I trust God, but actually trusting him, not freaking out, trusting that when I feel like I'm going to hit rock bottom, I actually won't. Those aren't natural for me. But that's exactly what I'm called to.

So here I am again. Having trouble 'rallying,' for round 2 of the cold and lonely. But I trust this is not the end. God did not open this door for me to sit in fear and regret. He did not open this door to trick me or to test me. He opened this door because he knows more than I do and he knows the end of this path. I trust in that. It most likely will not be what I would have planned or expected. And from the looks and feel of it, it's not going to be easy getting there. But I trust in the end, it will be good.